In my personal quest to create freedom and peace of heart and mind I kept coming across the idea of self-forgiveness; this baffled me.

It was one thing to recognize and pardon the misgivings of others with forgiveness. Self-forgiveness, on the other hand, felt like had done something wrong or bad. It felt like adding another burden of blame and shame to my already long list.

I had created a whole system of right/wrong, good/bad to avoid having to experience shame or blame, so why would I willingly take that on now? That it didn’t sound like it was going to lead me to peace & freedom.

What I didn’t know is this dualistic right/wrong, good/bad, thinking is called judgment or self-judgement. I also didn’t know that it is a sign of emotional and psychological immaturity.

I felt plenty mature. In fact, I believed it was my ethical and moral responsibility to have an opinion on how I should and people should live and be.

As I prepare to present How to Make the Distinction Between Judgment and Discernment to presiding Judges at a Judicial Retreat this fall, I realize I have come a long way in understanding judgement and its nuances.

Everytime you place a judgment against yourselves, it’s like you plant a seed of what you DON’T WANT in your consciousness. If you plant a crab apple seed, you are going to get crab apples. It would be insanity to expect golden deliciousness.

Self-forgiveness gives you a chance to take out the weedy-seeds that you DON’T WANT, and replace them with what you DO WANT. The quality of your consciousness will reflect what you choose to do with your judgement.

If there is a cycle of pain or a problem that keeps repeating in your life, the first question to ask yourself is, which judgements am I holding onto against myself that are perpetuating the cycle? … and then forgive them.

Yes, you forgive the judgment.

Self-forgiveness is not about forgiving what you did, it’s about forgiving or releasing your judgment against what you did or what happened – releasing the stance that it should have happened one particular way instead of another.

Self-forgiveness is a decision you make to take responsibility instead of blame for your experience of what happened or what you did. 

It is a decision you make to support yourself the way you support others you love.

If I make an intention to lose the vacation weight I have gained, but if I have not addressed a mean judgmental voice inside me that says: I love to eat too much to lose the weight, I don’t like to workout, I won’t be able to do it, etc. No matter how hard I try, in the end this self-judgment will win.

Sanya's Tour

The Fun Part: Once you release yourself from self-judgment, when someone else judges you, there’s nothing left within you that will allow the judgment to take root. Without it being able to feed on you, it will wither away.

All those years I worked so hard to get the love and approval of others,

all I needed the whole time

was my own love and approval.

If YOU are intrigued about what self-forgiveness can do for YOU, then take on the experiment of locating YOUR self-judgments and letting them go with self-forgiveness, so you can breathe new life into what YOU want.

PS: If YOU are curious about how YOU can create unconditional PEACE and FREEDOM then reach out and learn what that would look like for YOU.

Here are two ways YOU can learn about self-forgiveness and heal what has remained unhealed till now:


PLUS, here are a few more ways YOU can learn to experience deep healing and freedom:

1. Attend live: How to Make It On the Other Side of Infidelity, where I teach what most people and professionals miss about healing betrayal at the root. – Limited only to 12 – and it’s filling fast so act now.

2. Upcoming Self-Paced Courses for $275 each + Private Coaching Session:

  • The Unstuckness Workshop

  • Re-Learn Love

  • I Don’t Like What’s Happening In My Life

3. Also – an upcoming is a Quiz that helps you locate your Personal Barriers to Creating Your Best Life.

4. You can read the previous blog here.