It is so difficult to go through one holiday after another with a broken heart. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year. By the time it’s Valentine’s Day it really does become quite cruel. This list doesn’t even include all of the personal anniversaries people grit and bear through.
Here are some things to keep in mind as you prepare to battle through these events.
When people get into relationships under real or imagined pressures it usually ends up in another story of pain. Pressure takes the focus away from better judgement and protective instincts, both of which as very important for picking up on red flags. Pressure also makes a person second guess who they are and creates a culture where people start to go against their true authentic nature.
Basically pressure to get into realtionships creates the prefect situation to start something that is probably not going to end well.
Maya Angelou said, people may not always show you how they feel about you but they always show you. Pat attention.
We start getting into pain and heartbreak when we start ignoring our inner voice, our instincts, our authentic selves. When our eagerness to please others or to keep others in our lives clouds our judgments.
If you are heartbroken, there is no better time than now to start developing love, for yourself. Start getting attuned to your inner needs, wants, and desires. Start rebuilding your instincts to pick up on the red flags. Start putting boundaries on what behavior you will not accept from others so that you can actually act on the red flags you identify.
This is how you revive and then protect yourself.
For more information on this read Self Love: Core of Deep Healing http://counselingwithadifference.com/counseling-with-a-difference/2016/11/15/self-love-the-core-of-deep-healing
Make sure your pain doesn’t let you become bitter. It is a real joy kill, and moves you further away from your healing. Keep the focus off of others and onto your ‘self’.
Heartbreak, like any rock-bottom has the unique ability to make us do things we did not think we are capable of. These can be positive or negative things.
Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It’s up to you to make sure you use this opportunity to bring about positive change.
Use this time to get to know yourself and to get strong enough to not keep getting hurt again.
Read Self Love: The Core of Self Healing http://counselingwithadifference.com/counseling-with-a-difference/2016/11/15/self-love-the-core-of-deep-healing
List the characteristics you want to see in you partner. Take this on as a personalized guide of which characteristics you can start working on developing in yourself.
You could be doing great one week and then suddenly be on you knees the next. Anticipate this, so that when it happens you are not surprised. Anticipating a crash like this takes the bite out of it. It also prevents us for making a bigger deal out of it than it deserves.
Read Mirror Work: Freedom From Pain http://counselingwithadifference.com/counseling-with-a-difference/2016/11/20/mirror-work-freedom-from-pain
This is not meant to hide from your issues as that would only create bigger problems that are harder to fix. Do this only for triggers when triggers don’t give you a break you all. It is meant to give you a break from the relentless and cruel nature of triggers.
When an intrusive trigger doesn’t give you a break, visually force a street stop sign over the visual image of the trigger in your mind, and say ‘STOP!’ as strictly as you can. Stay alert for the next few minutes because the trigger may appear a few more times before it goes away.
Make a “What if _______’ list. This list is what holds you back. Do what you can to challenge it one at a time. As you start to let go of the fear, you’ll start to feel stronger and more capable.
If you are finding it difficult to manage the pain, know that there is hope. Get help.