I was afraid of chaos. The chaos of a difficult conversation or confrontations or any situation where I didn’t have control.

As I got good at avoiding the chaos I did have the appearance of having it together, but with time what was unsaid, unfelt, and avoided kept getting accumulated.

Imagine the ghost trap the GhostBusters used to store the ghosts in, it was bound to pop, and we all get dirty when just one more ghost from the past gets squeezed in there.

Ghost Busters

I didn’t change my mind about putting the ghosts away because I had ‘higher ways of being’ in mind, I was forced to see things differently because when what I was denying, deflecting, neglecting and minimizing finally blew up in my face.

It was neither glamorous nor pretty and it felt like the end of many things.

Turns out it was, but it was also the beginning of everything else that I enjoy today.

The cover was blown. I was imperfect, broken, confused, and just figuring it out as I went along. In the ugliness of that moment came the beauty.

“Sometimes you need to scorch everything to the ground, and start over. After the burning the soil is richer, and new things can grow. People are like that, too. They start over. They find a way.” – Celeste Ng, Little Fires Everywhere

I still wish for calm, but I have gotten an education in the school of my life ‘not to avoid the chaos’.

It’s almost like the flow of a strong river. You can stand against it, or you can flow with it. It’s your choice. Chaos will come when it will. You can say “I object!”, but what is happening is the reality that remains beyond your objection.
The problem is: if you don’t manage that reality, the reality will manage you. When you feel the chaos you can tune deeper WITHIN you and notice that there will be an unstable emotional path of FEAR and a solid wise path of LOVE – not emotional love, wise, calm, centered LOVE.
Trust yourself to feel through the difference.
The path you choose WITHIN yourself (not outside) will decide the outcome of the experience of life you will have.
One road splits in to two roads

The path you choose will decide whether you will be a force that will add to the sum total of positivity and loving – in your life, the lives of the ones you love, and the world in general. 


If you would be a force that will add to the sum total of negativity and hate.

We have choices with every cluster of thoughts and emotions we receive.

The chaos we see comes from a series of unfiltered, unconscious choices we make over time that are leaning towards the forces of fear, anger, confusion, disintegration – and chaos.

What can I do today, in this moment?

I can choose to discern WHO I will be in this moment, and the next one, and the one that follows.

As a human I WILL keep falling back into fear. When I do I can consciously bring myself back to love. With time, the journey from fear back to Love becomes shorter and easier to the point where it becomes instantaneous – it all begins with trying it to take action in the field of your consciousness.

I can remember that ALL CHAOS come to be transformed into CALM I can remember that I have a responsibility to choose wisely. If I don’t TRANSFORM the chaos I will TRANSMIT it.

If you are struggling with how to BE someone who transforms your personal chaos instead of transmitting it, then email me and we will set aside a time to see what transformation will look like for you. 

Schedule a Complimentory First Meeting Session 45 Minutes.

PS: Here are two more ways YOU can experientially learn about changing the course of your life despite any challenges: