Love plays a crucial role in our happiness and the well-being of our loved ones. It’s important that we understand what truly nurtures love and what harms it. Today, let’s dismantle another common myth about love that can lead us astray.

Recap on Last Week: The Mind-Reading Myth

If you missed our discussion on the expectations of mind-reading in relationships, you can catch up here.

Today’s Topic: The ‘You Heal Me’ Myth 

Understanding the Myth

This myth comes in several versions:

  • “If you loved me, you wouldn’t hurt me.”
  • “You caused my pain; now you need to fix it.”
  • “Change so I can feel better.”


All these statements suggest that true love should prevent pain and that our partners can heal us. There’s also a very painful reverse version I call The Rescue Myth: “If I loved them enough, I could take away their pain.”

Why These Beliefs Are Problematic

These ideas promote several harmful beliefs:

  • My feelings are controlled by others.
  • The person who hurt me needs to change or make amends so I can stop hurting.
  • We’re supposed to manage each other’s emotions in a relationship.

This way of thinking can lead to dependency, even co-dependency, emotional abuse, a lot of confusion, hurt, and eventual breakup or divorce.

sad coupleThe Truth About Emotional Pain

Let’s set the record straight:

  • Emotional pain is an indicatates what has remained unhealed within us till now, that needs our love and attention, not our partners.
  • No one can make us feel a certain way without our consent.
  • Healing from emotional pain is our own responsibility, not someone else’s.

In fact, no amount of love, attention, and compassion from others can make up for not taking on the reslponsiblity of the healing and love you must give yourself.

Your Power to Choose

Our emotions are powerful, but they don’t have to control us. Emotional pain signals areas where we can grow and heal, not as verdicts for suffering. 


“Healing is the application of loving the parts inside you that hurt.” – Drs. Ron and Mary Hulnick

And as many wise individuals have noted, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

Take Action: Join the Wise Loving Membership Group

Interested in learning how to steer your own emotional journey? Our Wise Loving Membership Group can help. Learn to manage your emotions rather than letting them manage you. Join us here and start building the emotional confidence and freedom that will help you create the love and life you have always wanted.