What Does An Extraordinary Relationship Look Like?

An extraordinary relationship involves individuals showing up in their lives from an extraordinary place within themselves. This place is within all of us, though it often remains hidden because it requires us to heal what keeps us stuck in our smaller, egoic, survival selves.

The Essence of an Extraordinary Relationship

At the heart of an extraordinary relationship is the concept that each person must be a complete and whole individual on their own. They must take individual responsibility to regulate their own feelings, behavior, and thoughts, taking ownership of their experiences.

Emotional Maturity

Many ask, “If we are to be complete on our own, why not just stay alone?” This question stems from a cultural misunderstanding about the role of relationships. Instead of expecting relationships to heal our internal issues, the real opportunity is to take on the healing of our own shadow parts as they start to show up in relationships (we are able to hide these when we are single). Being able to manage your emotions rather than your emtoons managing you is what it means to be emotionally mature.

The Misconception of Relationships

Early in relationships, we often experience a euphoric high that can make us oblivious to our inner pain. As this high fades, unresolved pain resurfaces, and we mistakenly believe our partner is to blame. This misunderstanding can lead to a cycle of seeking someone to “fix” us, not realizing that true healing and love must come from within.

The Role of Self-Change

Changing ourselves is daunting but necessary. In my work, I witness profound transformations when individuals confront their deepest fears and challenges. Integrated Family Systems Theory (IFS) suggests that your partner acts as a “tor-mentor,” where the torment they may cause provides an opportunity for healing, mentoring, and growth.

Relationship Dynamics in Therapy and Coaching

In our work, we focus on identifying which parts of each individual need attention. Once a person learns to live beyond their hurts and fears, they feel safe with their emotions. This person can then provide a safe, non-needy, and loving environment necessary for themselves and their partner that’s conducive for individual and mutual growth.

couple siting on a bench and holding hands

Traits of a Complete and Whole Individuald

A complete individual that can create an extraordinary relationship possesses a harmonious blend of authenticity, vulnerability, and clear boundaries. Key characteristics include:

  • Self-Love and Understanding: Loving themselves and others unconditionally, always open to growth and learning. No self-judgement or criticism. 
  • Forgiveness and Letting Go: Seeing mistakes as growth opportunities, not defining traits.
  • Clarity in Values: Being clear on the qualities they value in themselves and others and living in a way that their life reflects those qualities with their loved ones.
  • Autonomy in Happiness: Understanding that their happiness is their responsibility. Not resenting others for their own unhappiness.
  • Constructive Interactions: Offering advice only when asked and helping others in ways that align with their values. Not forcing their guidance on others.
  • Community Engagement: Contributing to the lives of others through mentoring and regular practices. Paying what they have learned forward.



Understanding that a good relationship is rooted in the individual completeness and wholenss of each partner helps navigate the complexities of love and connection. By focusing on personal growth and mutual support, relationships can transcend typical dependencies and transform into profound partnerships. These partnership have greater outcomes and opportunities for individual growth and evolution than a person would have if they were single.

Ready to Build an Extraordinary Relationship?

If you’re inspired to explore what a relationship filled with love, joy, and fulfillment could look like for you, I can help.