No matter how excited you are about the holidays or your vacation, and how beautiful your intentions are, being aware of these 3 common Joy Kills will help you feel more in control of your emotions during the holidays instead of being a victim of your emotions controlling you. 

1. Expectations without Agreements are a perfect recipe for misunderstanding, disagreements, confusion, and chaos.

Julie didn’t mind doing the bulk of the work but wanted John to slow down, give her the tenderness she was so good at: a random hug or kiss, holding her from behind as he created their favorite traditions, grabbing her for a dance to their favorite tune to remind her the reason she does all she does. Instead, John felt useless and confused. He felt so guilty and nervous that Julie had to do so much of what he wasn’t good at, that in order to disconnect from feeling that way he ended up disconnecting from Julie as well. Julie saw it as being aloof and neglectful, she started over-managing him, but nothing he did was ever enough because what she ‘really’ wanted was for because what she ‘really’ wanted was for John to be loving and attentive to her which usually comes so naturally to him so she could keep remembering ‘why’ she was doing all that she was.

It’s lazy not to slow down and become clear on your own expectations and it’s irresponsible not to talk to your loved ones to create agreements to support those expectations. 

Most of us don’t know how to make agreements and confuse giving orders with making agreements. Watch this 3 min video to differentiate a dictum from an agreement.


2. Doing more than Being is what most of us are programmed for. If I do this, create that, buy this, or make that, then, . . . I’ll feel good, fulfilled, happy, loved, complete, etc. 


We know what it feels like to be so blinded by ‘what’ we want to create that we end up losing the ‘why’ – the reason we wanted what we wanted – the person, the experience, the situation that we wanted all along. 

Watch this3 min clipto find out why no amount of luxury, self-care, or beautification of moments can create the love and connection you have always wanted unless you slow down and become clear on WHERE you are creating what you are creating from.
a joy within video
3. Perfectionism is an optical illusion and the killer of anything that is real and beautiful.
Nothing as deep and real as love, connection, joy, and fulfillment can be created from what is fake and contived like perfectionism. 

When we insist on seeing people and situations from the lens of perfectionism we can’t see ourselves or others as humans, we can only see them as the imaginary illusion we have slapped together. 

We would rather soothe our anxiety about the fact that the ones we love aren’t perfect than relish in the beauty of who the ones we love really are.

It’s not that we don’t love these people or care about creating real moments of love, it’s just that in that moment, our anxiety of ‘things not being perfect’ is greater than our clarity that an optical illusion can’t give us the depth of experience that will quench our desire for connection and love.