Today is a wonderful day to dive into some real talk about love – Wise Love as opposed to emotional love. The kind that starts with YOU and never leaves you hurt and broken.

Here are three powerful truths to keep in mind as we honor and celebrate love:

1) All True Love Requires Self-Love First

One of my clients who is a doctor reminded me ‘even the heart supplies itself with blood first before sending it to the rest of the body’.

Loving others without love and regard for ourselves first is a recipe for heartache. The heart makes an objection to this.

Unless we’re grounded in self-love, we’ll need to keep seeking validation and fulfillment from others.

If I demonstrate to you that I don’t really care about me when it comes to you then it’s not fair for me to be upset when you treat me the way I treat myself around you.

2) Be Your Valentine First:

It’s on us, folks, to know how we want to be loved and to make sure we fulfill our primary need for love ourselves.

When we’re solid in our self-love game, everyone else’s love becomes a sweet bonus, not a necessity.

We want it, sure, but we don’t need it to feel whole.

And that, my friends, is the perfect amount of pressure love and relationships can sustain.

3) Self-Care Starts with Self-Love:

Now, here’s a truth bomb for you – no amount of bubble baths, spa days, or retail therapy can make up for a relationship with yourself where you only have conditional love for you.

“I love you only if you look like this, do this, be this, can achieve this…. anything less than my expectations and I’ll turn against you”

It’s like we are okay being fair-weather-friends with ourselves.

It’s no one’s job to know how we like to be loved and to ‘make sure’ we are loved that day except ours. So treat yourself the way you want you partner or your date to treat you.

Self-care without a centering in loving tenderness, regard, benefit of the doubt and comrade with yourself is empty at best and will only provide momentary satisfaction.

As we celebrate Valentine’s Day, let’s remember to prioritize our relationship first.

There is no better gift we can give to the ones we love than to take responsibility for knowing what we want and making that happen for ourselves.

Because when we’re rooted in self-love, we become the architects of our own happiness, capable of giving and receiving love in its purest form.

Here’s to loving ourselves fiercely, unapologetically, and wholeheartedly this Valentine’s Day and every day.