🌱 The Mother You Needed May Never Have Existed

Mother’s Day can be beautiful.
It can also quietly undo you.

We celebrate mothers.
And we grieve them.
We thank them.
And we ache for what they couldn’t give.

For some, this day brings joy.
For others, a quiet ache.
For many, it brings both.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

    The mother you needed may never have existed.
And the love you’re still waiting for… might be the love you now have to     become.

My mother lost hers when she was four.

She was raised in the wreckage of war and silence.
She learned to survive—not to feel.

There was no one to hold her through the pain,

so she learned to hold herself.
And then, she held us.

But she couldn’t sit with my pain.
Because she had never learned how to sit with her own.

That realization broke something open in me.
Not in her.
In me.

When I stopped waiting for her to become who I needed—
and started becoming that for myself—everything changed.

That was the moment I stopped surviving.
And started healing.

Here are two truths I return to again and again:

1. You have to mother yourself first.

If you don’t, you’ll spend your life looking for that mothering in your relationships—
performing, overgiving, burning out—
and still feeling unseen.

When you finally meet your own needs with tenderness and truth,
you stop expecting others to fill what was never theirs to carry.

2. The real work of motherhood is letting go.

Letting go of how you thought it would go.
Letting go of who you thought they’d be.
Letting go of who you thought you would be.

You give them roots.
You help them grow wings.
And then—you let them fly.

Even when it breaks your heart.

People often ask me:

“How can I take time away from my family to do this healing?”

And I understand.

We were raised to believe that love equals sacrifice.
That the more we disappear, the more we prove we care.

But I tell them this:

    This work asks for five weekends.
Not five months.
Not your whole life.
Just five sacred weekends.
And what it gives back will touch every part of your family, your love, your     legacy.

Because unhealed pain doesn’t vanish.
It just hides in our tone.
Our silence.
Our exhaustion.
Our control.
Our overcompensation.
And our guilt.

Healing doesn’t pull you away from your people.
It brings you home to them.
Clearer. Softer. Stronger.

This is the heart of what we do in the School for Transformational Healing.
It’s not for everyone.
But if you’ve been carrying too much for too long…
And something in you whispered “yes” while reading this—
I invite you to reply and simply say:

“Tell me more about the School.”

You’ll know if it’s for you. You always do.

And if you’re not ready for something immersive—
but you still want to begin, gently and consistently—
you’re welcome in the Love Clarity Inner Circle.

It’s a softer way to stay connected, grow weekly, and move through real-life moments with more clarity and less pain.

To explore it, just reply:
“Tell me more about the Inner Circle.”

No pressure.
No performance.
Just an invitation to mother yourself in the way you’ve always deserved—
and finally come home to the love you’ve been waiting for.

At the Miraval Spa celebrating my aunt’s (who raised my mom) 80th birthday. My mom, my sister/wise counsel, and my absolutely courageous Aunt (the smallest one)