A few days ago I watched Danny Morel say something that made the internet explode:
“There’s no such thing as narcissism.”
People were furious.
But I wasn’t—because I understood what he was trying to say.
This isn’t about defending a hot take.
It’s about exposing a deeper truth:
Insight alone doesn’t get you to healing.
It opens the door.
But only ownership walks you through it.
I used to know all the psychology.
I could name the red flags, quote the trauma, label the behavior.
But I was still hurting.
Still circling the same story.
Still talking about what he did, how it felt, why it broke me.
And after a while, my pain didn’t just take over my thoughts…
It took over my life.
I forgot birthdays.
I missed important things my friends were going through.
Because my pain was always louder.
Always center stage.
It became a never-ending loop.
Like Groundhog Day, but with grief instead of gophers.
And that’s when I realized something no one had ever named for me:
I had created victim narcissism.
Not because I wasn’t hurt.
Not because the trauma wasn’t real.
But because I made that pain my identity.
It was who I became in every room.
It was the lens I saw the world through.
And it kept me safe… and stuck.
What changed everything?
I stopped asking why he did it.
And started asking:
- What did I ignore?
- What did I allow or enable?
- What part of me believed I had to earn love through suffering?
That’s not blame.
That’s spiritual clarity.
That’s self-loyalty.
That’s what real healing looks like.
Here’s the truth I know now:
We will all encounter people who trigger our deepest unhealed places.
But if we stay focused on their wound,
we’ll never tend to our own.
You don’t have to excuse their behavior.
But if you want to change your life,
you do have to stop orbiting around it.
Because naming the pattern is not the same as breaking it.
✨ Ask Yourself This Week:
- What part of me still needs a villain to feel validated?
- Am I more committed to being right… or being free?
- What would healing look like if no one ever apologized?
This is what I want for you:
Not just insight.
But peace.
Not just understanding.
But actual freedom from the loop.
You are the only one who can decide when the story ends—
and a new one begins.