We get into relationships with our radiant love-filled hearts and the most beautiful intentions of forever love. It’s not like we don’t see that most people around us are confused, dissatisfied, or hopeless about their relationships . . . but our love feels so strong and true that everything else feels like a lie….we think I’m going to be the one who’ll make it work . . . but what happens to all that? 

Each of us has our own story of ‘the day our (love) music died’ when our innocent expectations about the beauty of love were rudely taken away from us.

Why do all of our beautiful relationships end up in the love graveyard?

Relationship dissatisfaction has become one of the most common experiences because we are conditioned and programmed to fail in relationships. 

Most if not all of us eventually suffer the same fate. 

We are coming into a relationship half full and expecting our partners to complete us, to fill that abyss inside us that we ourselves have no idea how to fill. 

We mistake the euphoria from the early part of our relationships as love. We mistake the dependency on the other person to feel safe, sexy, good, okay, etc. as love.

This is how we lose ourselves in relationships where there is a part of us that clearly knows we are being treated badlywe feel too dependent on them to truly notice or do something about it—we just keep making ourselves smaller and smaller. 

If only I did this, looked like that, said this, etc then he/she will love me and ‘want’ to be with me-–before we know it, we don’t know who we are anymore.

So what is love?

And how do you get it?

How do you create a loving relationship and sustain the love in it?

The truth is it’s not possible for us to love another person unless our love for ourselves is complete.

The truth is it’s not possible for us to create an authentic loving relationship and sustain the love unless have created an authentic loving relationship with ourselves in which we are able to sustain the love . . . even when we do unlovable things.

In order for you to create a relationship – not an entanglement, an arrangement, or a transaction – you must first have a deeply authentic, loving, stable, and sustained relationship with yourself. Without having this core platform from which to have a relationship, all of your relationships will be entanglements, arrangements, and transactions used for – the validation of your worthiness, for the confirmation of your lovability, for the comfort of companionship, for the security of shared responsibility, etc.

Love it a conscious choice we make every day. Make the choice to love your Self first every day so you can have a platform from which you can love others.

Sanya Bari

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